A Recollection
I cannot recall the reason I was out back, and it doesn’t really matter. The point of this memory is that I was there at all.
I don’t own the lot behind my house, wooded and neglected and loved only by me, and my boys and the critters who call it home. I must have known a storm was coming because I distinctly remember having my bright pink rain jacket on. Where I live, spring storms come in from the west and that day was no exception.
I heard it first in the rustle of the leaves. Wind that precedes a storm seems to come in waves, one breaking over the woods, then a pause, then another set. This causes the leaves to ripple in waves too, from west to east, passing over my head. I couldn’t yet feel the wind, standing 30+ feet below the tops of the hardwood and pine trees. Gradually the storm’s intensity picked up and while the wind became more audible in the tree canopy, the swaying of the tree trunks was what captured my attention at that moment. The sky darkened and the thunder boomed and rolled in the distance. It never occurred to me to go in. I was a part of it now.
When the rain started I didn’t immediately get wet. It must have been late spring; warm enough to trigger an afternoon storm and the leaves were developed enough to shelter me from the rain. But the sound of the rain drops was clear, random at first, while the wind continued to occupy my attention. When a drop did break through the umbrella of leaves and branches, it landed, fat and cold on my jacket with a thud. For sure I was smiling.
I opted to rest against a tree, having totally forgotten the reason for being out in the woods, I had completely surrendered to the moment; this precious moment in my life that awakened me to the present and reminded my ego that humans are not separate from nature, but a part of it. Somehow we’ve collectively forgotten that.
The storm was on top of me. The rain beaded on my jacket and sledded down my torso and arms, soaking my pants, shoes and hands. My face was wet from looking up. Have you ever watched a forest sway in the power of a storm? You can’t help but sway with it.
It isn’t accurate to say that I am the only one to enjoy these lovely woods. My sweet neighbors do as well and have been around this neighborhood longer than I to see even more habitat fragmentation. Thank you to Cynthia & Tim Ellison for all of the wonderful, colorful, and thoughtful photos of the woods.
At some point my caring husband came out to check on me and he greeted me with a smile when he saw that I was more than okay. I was alive with the woods. I was lost in the moment, in the storm, in a space I knew well. My whole soul reeked with joy and gratitude. We opted to wait out the storm in the treehouse my husband had built for our boys. We watched from 15 feet up.
A box turtle sauntered along, nearly imperceptible against the rust and brown colors of wet fallen leaves. He was in no hurry and his presence seemed natural and laughable, and wonderful, all at the same time. I wasn’t the only being enlivened by the storm.
A Reflection
The lot behind my property, where these woods stand and house many wonderful trees, shrubs and creatures, will go on sale any day now.
My heart broke with the news.
To be fair, it was never mine and I have no right to lay any claim to it. I am immensely grateful I was permitted the freedom to roam back there for as long as I have. But I mourn the loss for my friends: the box turtles and beetles, the hawks and woodpeckers, the tree frogs and owls who shelter in this small natural space. These natural areas are becoming more and more rare around here. My friends will go with it. This hurts my heart.
I read once “The pollution of the planet is only an outward reflection of an inner psychic pollution: millions of unconscious individuals not taking responsibility for their inner space.” (E. Tolle) The destruction of green spaces, in what seems to be a relentless pursuit of more is also a direct reflection of our polluted inner spaces, our greed, our disconnect. We are polluted with a drive for more, at the cost of…….do we consider the cost?
I am not suggesting that I am immune to our culture of commercialism, or that I haven’t played a role. But I’m learning to reprioritize, to clear up my inner space, to watch and reflect and make choices that will sustain living systems. It is time to move toward an ecological civilization where human beings live in balance with the natural world, no longer driven to control it, rule over it or live apart from it but to “embrace values that emphasize growth in the quality of life rather than in the consumption of goods and services.” (J. Lent)